


The Aftermath of Not Dying

by Idhren15



Series: Idhren's Voltron Oneshots [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Kolivan is space dad, Matt Holt cares, Minor Keith/Pidge | Katie Holt, Naxzela aftermath, Oneshot, Post Naxzela, Suicide Attempt, can read as platonic or romantic, can't believe they didn't address this in the show, it's after Naxzela what did you expect, so here is this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-19 01:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17592023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idhren15/pseuds/Idhren15
Summary: Keith planned for his death alone, or the deaths of himself and those he loved.He didn't plan on survival.Pidge thought the former Red Paladin knew better than to make a suicidal move.Turns out she was wrong.Post-Naxzela, dealing with the aftermath of Keith's near-suicide. Minor Kidge, can be read as platonic or romantic. Oneshot.





	The Aftermath of Not Dying

**Author's Note:**

> After watching this episode again, I really needed to write something.  
> So this happened. 
> 
> I mean, how was Matt the only one to really twig what Keith was about to do?
> 
> Warnings for mention of suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, dealing with things like that.  
> There's a little Kidge at the end though, if you chose to read it like that.

Pidge collapsed on the couch, exhaustion from the recent battle finally catching up to her. The gravity levels on Naxzela had greatly impacted her body, and at one point she thought her bones were going to splinter apart.

Lotor's surprise move at the end had saved them, and she wasn't sure whether to be thankful or sceptical.

Right now, all she wanted was rest.

"Pidge!"

She sighed as her brother stormed into the lounge, and was too tired to even glare at him.

"Not now, Matt. I need a varga-"

"We don't have a varga. It's about Keith."  
Matt's voice shook on the former paladin's name, and Pidge forced herself into a more upright position.

"What about Keith?" she asked cautiously. Had he been injured in the battle? Sure, his ship had been close to the cruiser when it had exploded, but he'd gotten away...right?

Matt's face was drawn and pale. "You do realise what he was going to do, right?"

Pidge frowned, drawing a blank. "He was attacking?"

"Yes, but, no." Matt's voice dropped to a whisper. "He was going to use his ship to pierce the shield."

Pidge's heart jolted to a stop, and she gasped as this new gravity settled upon her.

_Keith...was going to die? He was going to sacrifice himself? No. Suicide._

"Quiznak," she breathed, her eyes already growing moist. _Keith_ was planning on _suicide_ to save them. But why? Why would he do that?

"To save us and all the star systems around," Matt murmured, and she realised she'd voiced the last question aloud.

"But why would it even _cross his mind_?" she cried, all exhaustion disregarded. Matt's eyes held as deep a concern as hers.

"I don't know," her brother sighed.

Pidge's fists clenched. "Meet me in Green's hangar. We're going to talk to Keith."

* * *

 

The explosion burst in front of his eyes, and for a second, he thought he'd estimated his moment of impact wrong. But the shock that rippled through the ship was the aftermath of something else tearing the cruiser apart, and he thrust his fighter back, away from the brunt of the explosion.

Head pounding, Keith could barely process everything that was happening around him, responding to Shiro's comments with abrupt, surprisingly-cool ones of his own.

All he could think was, _I nearly killed myself._

No, it wouldn't have been suicide. It was sacrifice. What worth was his life in the grand scheme of things, anyway? Voltron could go on without him. It had done so for phoebs now.

But the universe couldn't survive without Voltron.

So he made his choice. Either way, he was going to die. It was just whether he acted on that and saved everyone else, or let himself be destroyed along with millions of others.

It was the logical choice.

Ulaz had done it. Thace had done it. So he thought he could, too.

He was wrong.

He hadn't planned for the third scenario- his survival. And now, he didn't know what to do.  
It wasn't supposed to _hurt_ this much. He wasn't supposed to let his emotions grow so strong, but _quiznak_ , they had, and he barely made it back to Kolivan's ship before breaking down in the cockpit of his fighter.

The fighter which he'd planned to use to destroy both himself and the cruiser.

"Keith, are you hurt?" Kolivan's voice came from outside the cruiser, but Keith didn't trust himself to answer. It was all he could do to keep his sobs quiet.

"Keith. Open up."

He tried to press the correct button, but his fingers were shaking too hard, and he pressed them against his sides instead, hugging his knees to his chest as he rocked, struggling to comprehend the severity of what he'd almost committed.

A loud bang ricocheted around the fighter, and a rush of air told him that someone had broken in, but he just didn't care. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't stop thinking about his near suicide...

"Oh, kit." A hand touched his shoulder gently, extending open arms to him, and Keith curled into them without thinking, sobbing into his leader's chest. After a few doboshes, he managed to collect himself enough to feel ashamed for his emotions.

"M'sorry," he mumbled into Kolivan's chest, his hands still shaking.

"Shh, kit. You're safe now," Kolivan replied in a surprisingly soft tone, running a hand through Keith's matted hair. He relaxed into the touch, a strange vibrating starting up in his chest, though it was so faint Keith doubted anyone could hear it.

Kolivan continued to stroke Keith's hair a little longer, eventually lulling the half-galra to sleep. He stared down at the kit in his arms, so small, and far too young for this.

Keith had tried to prove him wrong, but the last battle had only shown Kolivan what he'd always thought - that Keith, despite everything, was still a kit. Someone who couldn't cope with the burden of death that their missions carried.

But Kolivan didn't want him to ever have to make that choice, and he found himself oddly grateful to Lotor for saving the kit's life.  
Keith wasn't okay, he knew that. But the kit was a fighter, and Kolivan trusted that he would come back stronger. It would take time, but he was willing to give it.

He'd never admit to anyone, but he'd do pretty much anything for the kit.

* * *

 

Pidge couldn't land the Green Lion fast enough. As soon as they'd set down, she was running out of the cockpit with Matt on her heels, demanding to know where exactly Keith was. A rather startled Blade led them to his room- it stung Pidge ever so slightly, that Keith had a room _here_ now, but she didn't let the thought linger- but they were refused entrance at first. Pidge paced the corridor outside, silently fuming until none other than Kolivan exited the room. His yellow, pupil-less eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Be careful," the Blade's leader instructed, "He's very...emotional."

"I'm not surprised," Matt murmured, then he turned to Pidge. "Go on, you go first."

She stopped her pacing. "Are you sure?"

"You know him better than I do," Matt pointed out, "so, go ahead."

Pidge took a deep breath to calm herself, then stepped past Kolivan and into Keith's room.

The first thing she noted was the blandness of his room; like the one at the castle, it was void of any significant personal touches. But the second thing she saw just about broke her heart.

Keith was huddled a corner of the room, his familiar red jacket wrapped around him on top of his Blade armour, and he was _shaking_. Tearstains glistened on his cheeks as she neared, and Pidge realised that for all the surging emotions she felt upon discovering Keith's intentions, they would be a thousand times worse for him.

"Keith," she whispered as she sat down beside him, and his blue-gray eyes met hers, the pupils so wide and vulnerable in that moment.

"Pidge...I... I'm sorry," he cried, and she embraced him without thinking, holding his shaking body to her as tight as she dared.

"Don't _ever_ do that again," she growled into his soft mullet, breathing in the scent that was fear and death but also _Keith_.

"I won't, I didn't want to, not really, I just, I... I didn't think...!" His voice pitched in distress, and that was enough for her to shove the rest of her anger aside.

"It's okay now," she murmured, "Nothing happened to you, you're still okay. We're all okay."

Keith's breathing stopped hitching, and the shivers through his body slowly ceased. "Y-yeah," he agreed, stammering a little, then he pulled away from her, a frown crossing his face. "Pidge, why did you come?"

"I was worried about you," she responded honestly, and Keith's eyes widened. "Look, I care for you, okay? And I know you don't think of yourself as part of the team anymore, but, you still are, in a way. And I can't lose you. Keith, I can't lose you."

Tears welled in her eyes too, and this time Keith pulled her into an embrace, resting his chin against her head and letting out a deep sigh. They were going to be alright, she believed it. No, more than that. She knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> Feels like I'm churning out these Voltron fics, haha. I post 'em when I write 'em, else they'll get dusty and forgotten.
> 
> If anything is this fic triggered you, be sure to talk to someone. It's okay not to be okay, but never give up :) 
> 
> Well, thanks for reading! Kudos/comments most welcome XD


End file.
